I was thinking about the gamut of emotions I've run in the course of getting this house on the market and being on the market the last thirty-eight days (not that I am counting or anything). Today I realized I saw a correlation and had a revelation. I am mourning this painful, stressful process. I am right in line with the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief.
1) Denial- "We won't be on the market long! This house is a catch and a steal! This is the best house on the market in this location- at this price point!"
2) Anger- "Why is this taking so long? Why are people too stupid to see that this is clearly the best deal around here. Does God not see that it's time for us to move on?"
3) Bargaining- "God, please tell me what I have to do to get this house sold! Please send the right buyer! I promise I'll ((fill in the blank)) if you could just throw me a bone here!"
4) Depression- "I can't take it anymore. I want to give up on everything." ((cries into breakfast))
5) Acceptance- "There is nothing I can do that I am not already doing to expedite this process. It is what it is. God has a plan, right?! ((please say yes))
As I say this, I note that I occasionally go back and forth between various stages. Please, God, say there's a plan! (bargaining again)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Birdhouse in your Soul- A Friday Flashback
As I enjoy writing and would like to blog more- just for the fun of it, I came up with the idea- "Flashback Friday". Every Friday, I will post a blog that contains a special memory- recorded for myself or for prosperity.
In 1995, I was in the seventh grade. Being an only child, and a willful one at that, I felt I was a much older soul than my fourteen years reflected. At this time, I began to experiment with fashion and fall in love with rock and roll. I was cultivating my own unique sense of self and I am proud of it, when I look back. I was finding myself, instead of blending in. I was being creative. See examples from this era below:
Again, finding myself. Through a friend at the time, I discovered a some what esoteric radio station. I say that because it was only on the air from 12 a.m. to 6 a.m. That's right, if you wanted to listen to it, you had to stay up all night! It was called EOI- which stood for Edge of Insanity. If you caught it between 6 a.m. and 12 p.m., you'd find a classical music station. God bless. 92.1 fm. Why yes, I did stay up all night and sleep all day when I got the chance. I remember coming home from the seventh grade to sleep right away and waking at 12 to stay up and listen. As much as I am an extrovert by day, there is an introvert inside of me. I really treasured the time that was mine and mine alone. No one bothered me. The house was quiet. I could write, scheme, dream- whatever I wanted. I find that I still desire such time. It's just harder to come by as I grow older. This radio station- that turned me into a creature of the night, played indie, new wave, hard rock, oddities- you name it. I cultivated a unique musical palette in those nights. The music spoke to my growing pains and soothed me. I was one of many followers who tuned in regularly and came to love the DJs: Deja and Mother T (her name is Teresa). We all had call in names. When I decided to call in a request one night, I lacked a call in name and blurted out "Sam I Am"- because Dr. Suess is a genius, y'all. (really- I mean it! I think I appreciate his work more as an adult!)
Anyway, one particular evening, I became aware of a concert I really and truly HAD to attend. EOI had been publicizing Frank Black (of The Pixies) opening for They Might Be Giants! Eek! Every other 14 year old girl I knew was swooning over some ridiculous boy band, but me-- no, I was panting to see a sweaty bald dude (sorry FB) and two nerds playing accordions. For those who know me well, this all makes sense I am sure. EOI decided to do a ticket giveaway and I was poised! You see, back in MY day, before the interwebs, a radio might offer a prize to a caller of a certain number. Picture me sitting on my couch, in my pajamas, hand on my phone-- which looked like this:
Clearly, you are now jealous of my undeniable awesomeness, right?! Don't lie. But I digress, I sat with my hand on the phone- waiting for the announcement to call. Aaaaannnnnndddd, finally, it was go time. Busy signal, hang up, try again- ring! Holy crap- it's ringing! "Guess what?" said the answering voice. "What?" I said thinking I couldn't possibly win. "You are the eighth caller!" OH HOLY GOODNESS! I WON! I WON! I WON! Please, at this time, remember that this radio station aired 12-6 over night! So, this good news came at 2 in the morning, when my mom was asleep! I bounced around the house saying "I won, I won, I won!" I got my mom's crystal stemmed wine glasses down from the cupboard and proceeded to poor chilled 7Up in one whilst continuing to recite "I won, I won, I won!". The commotion awoke my mom, who at 2 in the morning, was incredibly groggy. "Mom, guess what?! I won!" Mom replies- not having a clue what I may have won, "That's great, honey, now go to bed".
The next morning was a different story. You see, mom remembered waking up and talking to me, but NOTHING else. I proceeded to explain that I won tickets to see Frank Black and They Might Be Giants at the Cain's Ballroom and I was soooooo excited. Then- BOOM, reality: "You're only 14 years old Lindsay! There's no way I'm letting you see a show at the Cain's!" This turned in to probably a week's worth of back and forth- teenager clinging to any sense of independence vs. mother trying to protect child. In the end, mom decided I could go as long as I took a trustworthy friend with me, Corrie. While every other girl my age has a concert story about being dragged to something their parents' liked or seeing the New Kids on the Block (nothing wrong with that at all), I was watching a Frank Black and Pixies at the Cain's Ballroom. This is a favorite memory and the story of how a girl fell in love with the Cain's Ballroom. I think I'd move into it, if they'd let me.
Post Script- In November 2011, I got a chance to see Frank Black again- this time, reunited with The Pixies. I was super giddy, trying to explain it at work to people who were responded, "so is tonight when your going to see that band- the Fairies?" Me: "you mean The Pixies?" Yeah. Luckily, my dear bff, Jill, was able to come with me. As we listened to the music, it just felt like I was going home. It sounded like home to me.
In 1995, I was in the seventh grade. Being an only child, and a willful one at that, I felt I was a much older soul than my fourteen years reflected. At this time, I began to experiment with fashion and fall in love with rock and roll. I was cultivating my own unique sense of self and I am proud of it, when I look back. I was finding myself, instead of blending in. I was being creative. See examples from this era below:
 |
| Becky Reed (Recky Bead) and I in seventh grade. She is wearing my EOI t-shirt; I am wearing Jeremy Hyde's Mellowdramatic Wallflowers t-shirt (that band is a Tulsa insider thing) and rocking the blazing red lips. |
 |
| Clockwise from bottom: Angelene (Ripley) Wright, Becky (Reed) Davis, me, Christine (Hastings) Adamack, and Corrie (Feyen) Karlovich. This is the beginning of my wardrobe devoid of any color. Straight black dress that I wore until it was nothing but a series of tattered threads and baby barrettes in my hair! |
 |
| Again with the blazing red lips and that shirt is They Might Be Giants with the cover of John Henry on it. To the left, you can see my photo collage of pictures, bands, music, etc. This was about 3x5 ft and I had a very nice mom for allowing me to put all that crap on the wall! |
 | |||
| This is a pretty typical shot of Christine, Corrie and me on my ugly couch (hey, it was free!). I am wearing a shirt that I later realized had an extremely subtle vulgar suggestion! I had NO idea at the time- and apparently the message was so subtle that my mom didn't notice either! Eek- sorry! |
Anyway, one particular evening, I became aware of a concert I really and truly HAD to attend. EOI had been publicizing Frank Black (of The Pixies) opening for They Might Be Giants! Eek! Every other 14 year old girl I knew was swooning over some ridiculous boy band, but me-- no, I was panting to see a sweaty bald dude (sorry FB) and two nerds playing accordions. For those who know me well, this all makes sense I am sure. EOI decided to do a ticket giveaway and I was poised! You see, back in MY day, before the interwebs, a radio might offer a prize to a caller of a certain number. Picture me sitting on my couch, in my pajamas, hand on my phone-- which looked like this:
The next morning was a different story. You see, mom remembered waking up and talking to me, but NOTHING else. I proceeded to explain that I won tickets to see Frank Black and They Might Be Giants at the Cain's Ballroom and I was soooooo excited. Then- BOOM, reality: "You're only 14 years old Lindsay! There's no way I'm letting you see a show at the Cain's!" This turned in to probably a week's worth of back and forth- teenager clinging to any sense of independence vs. mother trying to protect child. In the end, mom decided I could go as long as I took a trustworthy friend with me, Corrie. While every other girl my age has a concert story about being dragged to something their parents' liked or seeing the New Kids on the Block (nothing wrong with that at all), I was watching a Frank Black and Pixies at the Cain's Ballroom. This is a favorite memory and the story of how a girl fell in love with the Cain's Ballroom. I think I'd move into it, if they'd let me.
Post Script- In November 2011, I got a chance to see Frank Black again- this time, reunited with The Pixies. I was super giddy, trying to explain it at work to people who were responded, "so is tonight when your going to see that band- the Fairies?" Me: "you mean The Pixies?" Yeah. Luckily, my dear bff, Jill, was able to come with me. As we listened to the music, it just felt like I was going home. It sounded like home to me.
 |
| The Pixies- Nov. 2011 (Frank Black is the second from the left) |
 |
| Jill and me- friends for 16 years! |
Monday, August 6, 2012
Perspective: check.
It's pretty easy to fall prey to thinking about your own concerns in life. I don't want to diminish the stress factor and challenges I have. It's not that they are unimportant. It's that they are factors which can be address by my mother's coin phrase (which I believe was her father's coin phrase), "and this too shall pass". Do you know how much I hated hearing that from her when I was an angst filled teenager?
In a turn of events, the last few days have been turbulent for many.
Again, wildfires plagued the parched countrysides in Oklahoma. This is something that stirs much emotion for me. The first time I was evacuated was when my baby was just eleven days old. I had never been under the threat or duress of such a natural fury before and it was combined with postpartum hormones and a body gone crazy, with a brand new high-maintenance, beautiful baby girl. I remember sitting at my in laws' house, completely convinced that my house was gone. I felt numb. I couldn't even place my feelings. I just sat, fixated on the television images of fire- wondering. Somehow, my entire neighborhood was spared while every direction around it was scorched. It was as though God had created a protective force field for my little girl. I still have no idea how it happened, but should one question such an undeniable blessing? I choose to not question. This was not the last time I have been evacuated. Several instances occurred afterward. Two years later, I was at work (at Harrah High School), when I started hearing mutterings of wildfires again. Just a couple of hours later, the forum of the school appeared hazy and smelled of thick smoke. I stood in the library watching the coverage, realizing it was merely a mile away. Kids were checked out from school until hardly a soul remained. When I was finally able to leave, I was rerouted by the police. I had to take Harrah Road all the way to SE 15th, which is the opposite of the direction I'd normally take to get to my house. As I drove up SE 15th, I passed my in laws' house- not realizing it would be the last time I saw it standing. A fire blazed far to the south of it. I did not (probably denial?) think the blaze would reach my in laws' house, but I stopped to call my mother in law anyway and continued to my house. My mother and daughter were at my house when I received a panicked call from my mother in law- telling me she got a few things and the dog out of her house and that her house was burning to the ground. I think I was still in denial. I thought, surely she's shaken and the firefighters can save it. Often, you believe what you want to believe in these cases. That I did. However, she was right. Her home of twenty-eight years smoldered to a pile of ash and lumps of nearly unrecognizable, melted metal that used to be appliances. The fire was so hot (approx. 2000 degrees according to the fire department) that the refrigerator collapsed and fell into an arch shape and the concrete of the driveway exploded. Unfathomable. Many times, I have kicked myself. I drove right by it. I knew how to get inside. I knew where many favor items or heirlooms lurked. If only I could have saved some things. However, I am well aware I had no way of knowing what would happen and it was probably best that I drove away before the fire drew near. I'd be lying if I said the number of times I've made it through evacuation or threat of evacuation were not part of discussion about moving into a more metropolitan area. Flash forward to this week. The town of Luther is consumed by ravaging fire. Luther is not that far from me. It's maybe twenty miles. I know some people who live there. Additionally, fires blazed in Creek County (Around Mannford, OK- west of the Tulsa metro). I was on pins and needles- waiting to hear about my friend Misty Tharp's house. By miracle and by faith, it was spared. My dear friend, Tammy Devine, is from Mannford. Sadly, members of her family lost their homes. Above all, it is a blessing that they were not hurt of injured.
I am also empathetic to my sorority sister, Janna Graham, who lost her father to cancer this week. Though the relationship was strained, I have also lost my father. My mother, thank the Lord, is a breast cancer survivor. It's hard to so many levels. Janna will handle it all with grace, like she always does. God bless her family.
While sitting in church on Sunday, I was filled with urgency and prayer for Misty, for Janna, for Tammy and many others. At this point, I realized how little time I can waste worrying about my station- about the house selling (though I still hope it will happen soon), about expenses, about making a transition, etc. God will show you what matters. In that moment- this horrible propensity to want to control or feel like I am in control faded away. I struggle each day to let go and let God. In that moment, I felt I truly did. Each new day, I must learn how to give up control for the day. I am so grateful that I was able to do so in that moment. God is going to take care of my transition. And that is my perspective: check.
In a turn of events, the last few days have been turbulent for many.
Again, wildfires plagued the parched countrysides in Oklahoma. This is something that stirs much emotion for me. The first time I was evacuated was when my baby was just eleven days old. I had never been under the threat or duress of such a natural fury before and it was combined with postpartum hormones and a body gone crazy, with a brand new high-maintenance, beautiful baby girl. I remember sitting at my in laws' house, completely convinced that my house was gone. I felt numb. I couldn't even place my feelings. I just sat, fixated on the television images of fire- wondering. Somehow, my entire neighborhood was spared while every direction around it was scorched. It was as though God had created a protective force field for my little girl. I still have no idea how it happened, but should one question such an undeniable blessing? I choose to not question. This was not the last time I have been evacuated. Several instances occurred afterward. Two years later, I was at work (at Harrah High School), when I started hearing mutterings of wildfires again. Just a couple of hours later, the forum of the school appeared hazy and smelled of thick smoke. I stood in the library watching the coverage, realizing it was merely a mile away. Kids were checked out from school until hardly a soul remained. When I was finally able to leave, I was rerouted by the police. I had to take Harrah Road all the way to SE 15th, which is the opposite of the direction I'd normally take to get to my house. As I drove up SE 15th, I passed my in laws' house- not realizing it would be the last time I saw it standing. A fire blazed far to the south of it. I did not (probably denial?) think the blaze would reach my in laws' house, but I stopped to call my mother in law anyway and continued to my house. My mother and daughter were at my house when I received a panicked call from my mother in law- telling me she got a few things and the dog out of her house and that her house was burning to the ground. I think I was still in denial. I thought, surely she's shaken and the firefighters can save it. Often, you believe what you want to believe in these cases. That I did. However, she was right. Her home of twenty-eight years smoldered to a pile of ash and lumps of nearly unrecognizable, melted metal that used to be appliances. The fire was so hot (approx. 2000 degrees according to the fire department) that the refrigerator collapsed and fell into an arch shape and the concrete of the driveway exploded. Unfathomable. Many times, I have kicked myself. I drove right by it. I knew how to get inside. I knew where many favor items or heirlooms lurked. If only I could have saved some things. However, I am well aware I had no way of knowing what would happen and it was probably best that I drove away before the fire drew near. I'd be lying if I said the number of times I've made it through evacuation or threat of evacuation were not part of discussion about moving into a more metropolitan area. Flash forward to this week. The town of Luther is consumed by ravaging fire. Luther is not that far from me. It's maybe twenty miles. I know some people who live there. Additionally, fires blazed in Creek County (Around Mannford, OK- west of the Tulsa metro). I was on pins and needles- waiting to hear about my friend Misty Tharp's house. By miracle and by faith, it was spared. My dear friend, Tammy Devine, is from Mannford. Sadly, members of her family lost their homes. Above all, it is a blessing that they were not hurt of injured.
I am also empathetic to my sorority sister, Janna Graham, who lost her father to cancer this week. Though the relationship was strained, I have also lost my father. My mother, thank the Lord, is a breast cancer survivor. It's hard to so many levels. Janna will handle it all with grace, like she always does. God bless her family.
While sitting in church on Sunday, I was filled with urgency and prayer for Misty, for Janna, for Tammy and many others. At this point, I realized how little time I can waste worrying about my station- about the house selling (though I still hope it will happen soon), about expenses, about making a transition, etc. God will show you what matters. In that moment- this horrible propensity to want to control or feel like I am in control faded away. I struggle each day to let go and let God. In that moment, I felt I truly did. Each new day, I must learn how to give up control for the day. I am so grateful that I was able to do so in that moment. God is going to take care of my transition. And that is my perspective: check.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
And now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!
In other words, I am delirious!
I am elated to have this amazing job. My bosses seem fabulous and the staff seems friendly and enthusiastic. I am so excited.
I am also overjoyed to be returning home. The sights, the sounds, the comfort of being home. i never feel better than when I am in Tulsa. The second I see the downtown skyline, I can breathe. It's wonderful. I cannot wait for our family to enjoy the opportunities and conveniences of city living. I am a city girl. Michael is just excited about living within walking distance (that's right, walking distance- or biking distance) of two movie theaters and a Barnes and Noble.
We are so ready for this chapter of our lives to begin.
Here's the catch. WE HAVE TO SELL THIS HOUSE! It's been on the market a month. Yes, I know that's pretty standard, but I am steadfast praying for the right buyer to come along as soon as possible. The media is fully ready to inform its general audience that it is a buyers market. Why, yes, yes indeed, that will help us on the flip side. Meanwhile, it is not boding well for us selling this house. We've had one offer. They took $6k off our rock bottom price, then asked for $4k for their closing. FYI- we don't have $10k to give away to make this happen. The counter was only $2k more and we had to walk away. It's painful to have an offer dangled in front of your face, only to have it disintegrate in front of our faces.
This is fully stressful. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to explode. However, what I really want is to be done with this. MWC, release me. It's time to move on. I am struggling to stay positive. I keep reading blogs from sorority sister, Jesi Conder, and dear college friend, Mindy Russell, to remember that I am not alone. Thank you, ladies, for sharing your stories with me. It really helps.
Everyday, I get down on my knees and pray. I feel like I am begging God, which feels a little stupid. Then, I feel selfish. I feel like I am cognitively aware, without diminishing my concerns for my life, that others are struggling with life and death situations, despair, poverty, etc. Last night, half the town of Luther was plagued by the fury of an arsonist. Yes, there are more concerns to pray about and remember than just the ones in my life. Today, I packed up Claire and drove to the store to buy a few cases of water for the firefighters (Claire kept calling them 'fireflies') and delivered them to the nearest fire station. I can't just dwell on what is hard for me. I need to keep moving. I need to keep trying. I need to be the best me I can be under stressful circumstances. Today, I think I will relieve stress by painting cute canvases for my new office. Did I mention I am temporarily carless and sharing a ride with my husband? Because I am. Any fun I can make inside (away from the 350 degree heat), without leaving my house (because I am sharing a car), and cheap (materials I already have in my house) is key to keep from losing my mind. I'm a stay busy sort of girl.
PS- I learned quickly that pity parties were not permitted. You see, I was busy having one on the way back to my house from my new job. I was lamenting that I do not live there yet, that I do not know what I am doing or how I am going to do this- when the car in front of me slowed to pull off the road. They did not move over fast enough, so I applied my brake- looking to get over, but couldn't. The driver behind me couldn't slow down on time and clipped me. Yeah, if you throw a pity party, you get something to be sad about... Message received. Must trust God. The other driver and I were completely unharmed. I felt so bad for her; really, she is only 23 and was worried about her dad being mad at her. I kept hugging her and telling her it was okay. She probably thought I was nuts. I was more worried about her than I was about me.
And that, in a nutshell, is how the cookie is crumbling right now. And this is the time on Sprockets when we dance.
I am elated to have this amazing job. My bosses seem fabulous and the staff seems friendly and enthusiastic. I am so excited.
I am also overjoyed to be returning home. The sights, the sounds, the comfort of being home. i never feel better than when I am in Tulsa. The second I see the downtown skyline, I can breathe. It's wonderful. I cannot wait for our family to enjoy the opportunities and conveniences of city living. I am a city girl. Michael is just excited about living within walking distance (that's right, walking distance- or biking distance) of two movie theaters and a Barnes and Noble.
We are so ready for this chapter of our lives to begin.
Here's the catch. WE HAVE TO SELL THIS HOUSE! It's been on the market a month. Yes, I know that's pretty standard, but I am steadfast praying for the right buyer to come along as soon as possible. The media is fully ready to inform its general audience that it is a buyers market. Why, yes, yes indeed, that will help us on the flip side. Meanwhile, it is not boding well for us selling this house. We've had one offer. They took $6k off our rock bottom price, then asked for $4k for their closing. FYI- we don't have $10k to give away to make this happen. The counter was only $2k more and we had to walk away. It's painful to have an offer dangled in front of your face, only to have it disintegrate in front of our faces.
This is fully stressful. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to explode. However, what I really want is to be done with this. MWC, release me. It's time to move on. I am struggling to stay positive. I keep reading blogs from sorority sister, Jesi Conder, and dear college friend, Mindy Russell, to remember that I am not alone. Thank you, ladies, for sharing your stories with me. It really helps.
Everyday, I get down on my knees and pray. I feel like I am begging God, which feels a little stupid. Then, I feel selfish. I feel like I am cognitively aware, without diminishing my concerns for my life, that others are struggling with life and death situations, despair, poverty, etc. Last night, half the town of Luther was plagued by the fury of an arsonist. Yes, there are more concerns to pray about and remember than just the ones in my life. Today, I packed up Claire and drove to the store to buy a few cases of water for the firefighters (Claire kept calling them 'fireflies') and delivered them to the nearest fire station. I can't just dwell on what is hard for me. I need to keep moving. I need to keep trying. I need to be the best me I can be under stressful circumstances. Today, I think I will relieve stress by painting cute canvases for my new office. Did I mention I am temporarily carless and sharing a ride with my husband? Because I am. Any fun I can make inside (away from the 350 degree heat), without leaving my house (because I am sharing a car), and cheap (materials I already have in my house) is key to keep from losing my mind. I'm a stay busy sort of girl.
PS- I learned quickly that pity parties were not permitted. You see, I was busy having one on the way back to my house from my new job. I was lamenting that I do not live there yet, that I do not know what I am doing or how I am going to do this- when the car in front of me slowed to pull off the road. They did not move over fast enough, so I applied my brake- looking to get over, but couldn't. The driver behind me couldn't slow down on time and clipped me. Yeah, if you throw a pity party, you get something to be sad about... Message received. Must trust God. The other driver and I were completely unharmed. I felt so bad for her; really, she is only 23 and was worried about her dad being mad at her. I kept hugging her and telling her it was okay. She probably thought I was nuts. I was more worried about her than I was about me.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Twenty-Six
A- appetite must be conquered!
B- Broken Arrow, starting my new job in less than four weeks- so much to do! I am falling deep in LOVE with my new job! Great bosses and I believe I will have lots of fun : D
C- CAbi, my friend Lori's business. I discovered the CAbi outlet this summer. CAbi spells trouble.
(stress loves shopping)
D- daughter, she is eager to start her new preschool, loves animals, and learning rapidly
E- Exercise is missing- I am feeling my age because I am more than worried about my appearance,
but my Energy level- which is dwindling...
F- Family, we are in it together. Frustration and stress may be present, but we are united.
G- God, I am truly working at having faith and giving over right now. It's not always easy, but I'm getting better all the time!
H- Harrah, my resignation has been official for about a month. I will definitely miss kids and colleagues.
I- insanity- as defined by accepting a new job, in a new school, in a new position, at a new level, while trying to sell and buy houses and move home. Yes, insane. (and this is only half of it!)
J- Jill, I was blessed with an impromptu visit with my best friend recently. Praying God will move her home (to Tulsa) too.
K- kids- I am totally feeling the guilt that we have not been ready to give Claire a sibling yet. Yes, she does talk about getting a little 'stister' AND a little 'brudder'. That's right- she asks for one of each. I fail. Sigh.
L- Lindsay- that's right, me. My mother keeps reminding me to be true to myself. I've short changed myself a lot in the past and I do not wish to repeat that.
M- Michael, the stress of all the changes is certainly challenging, but we are managing to keep it together- even when we snap at each other.
N- new, I find it difficult to be new because I like to be an expert / know it all. I can become an expert at my new job after a year, right?! (rhetorical question)
O- Over it, I was worried about what other people thought regarding all the changes at the feet of my family. I realize the importance of being caring and sensitive, but I realized that everyone's life is their creation and too often, people who may have abundance of opinion about your doings lack the details and whys.
P- place to stay- holy crap- where am I going to live, temporarily while I start my job?!
Q- quiet- for as outgoing and social as I am (no one has ever accused me of being shy), I realized I need and enjoy alone time. It's like my inner extrovert needs a break and my inner introvert picks up a shift.
R- real estate- we've narrowed it to two houses in Tulsa and would love to place an offer, but can't until current house is under contract : (
S- selling- selling our house is not fun. While it technically hasn't been that long, I just want it sold and fast! Time to move.
T- Tulsa, of course- My heart leaps for joy when I think about it. I am so grateful. It would be great if the process of getting there could fall into place. A test of my patience from God?
U- umbrella- this state need rain. Not wanting to see more fires on the TV.
V- vow- to work my best with what is in my control and do my best to let go of fear, worry, anxiety and anything else I can't help. I'm human- this will be hard.
W- wondering- I keep imagining God setting me up to really struggle and praying that's not the case. That's really not how God works- I don't think.
X- eXamine- the best way(s) to keep this move from eating my savings.
Y- year of pre-school- Claire has a year of preschool before *gasp* pre-k! We got her into a great one. The downside- out of my way driving : ( Just for a year. I think I can.
Z- zealous- maybe I need to take a chill pill- but I am not alone there.
B- Broken Arrow, starting my new job in less than four weeks- so much to do! I am falling deep in LOVE with my new job! Great bosses and I believe I will have lots of fun : D
C- CAbi, my friend Lori's business. I discovered the CAbi outlet this summer. CAbi spells trouble.
(stress loves shopping)
D- daughter, she is eager to start her new preschool, loves animals, and learning rapidly
E- Exercise is missing- I am feeling my age because I am more than worried about my appearance,
but my Energy level- which is dwindling...
F- Family, we are in it together. Frustration and stress may be present, but we are united.
G- God, I am truly working at having faith and giving over right now. It's not always easy, but I'm getting better all the time!
H- Harrah, my resignation has been official for about a month. I will definitely miss kids and colleagues.
I- insanity- as defined by accepting a new job, in a new school, in a new position, at a new level, while trying to sell and buy houses and move home. Yes, insane. (and this is only half of it!)
J- Jill, I was blessed with an impromptu visit with my best friend recently. Praying God will move her home (to Tulsa) too.
K- kids- I am totally feeling the guilt that we have not been ready to give Claire a sibling yet. Yes, she does talk about getting a little 'stister' AND a little 'brudder'. That's right- she asks for one of each. I fail. Sigh.
L- Lindsay- that's right, me. My mother keeps reminding me to be true to myself. I've short changed myself a lot in the past and I do not wish to repeat that.
M- Michael, the stress of all the changes is certainly challenging, but we are managing to keep it together- even when we snap at each other.
N- new, I find it difficult to be new because I like to be an expert / know it all. I can become an expert at my new job after a year, right?! (rhetorical question)
O- Over it, I was worried about what other people thought regarding all the changes at the feet of my family. I realize the importance of being caring and sensitive, but I realized that everyone's life is their creation and too often, people who may have abundance of opinion about your doings lack the details and whys.
P- place to stay- holy crap- where am I going to live, temporarily while I start my job?!
Q- quiet- for as outgoing and social as I am (no one has ever accused me of being shy), I realized I need and enjoy alone time. It's like my inner extrovert needs a break and my inner introvert picks up a shift.
R- real estate- we've narrowed it to two houses in Tulsa and would love to place an offer, but can't until current house is under contract : (
S- selling- selling our house is not fun. While it technically hasn't been that long, I just want it sold and fast! Time to move.
T- Tulsa, of course- My heart leaps for joy when I think about it. I am so grateful. It would be great if the process of getting there could fall into place. A test of my patience from God?
U- umbrella- this state need rain. Not wanting to see more fires on the TV.
V- vow- to work my best with what is in my control and do my best to let go of fear, worry, anxiety and anything else I can't help. I'm human- this will be hard.
W- wondering- I keep imagining God setting me up to really struggle and praying that's not the case. That's really not how God works- I don't think.
X- eXamine- the best way(s) to keep this move from eating my savings.
Y- year of pre-school- Claire has a year of preschool before *gasp* pre-k! We got her into a great one. The downside- out of my way driving : ( Just for a year. I think I can.
Z- zealous- maybe I need to take a chill pill- but I am not alone there.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
For I Know the Plans I Have for You
When I started this blog, I knew my family was examining life and investigating changes. We were in a very complacent and stagnant place. I knew I could give into fear of change and continue the place I've tilled or I could go out on a limb and look for the fruit. I chose the latter. Michael and I talked and planned for such. We discussed a number of possibilities and prayed ceaselessly.
I completely embraced the verse: "I know the plans I have for you, said the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Many days, I recited it to myself- like a meditation. I felt, truly, that God was a few steps in front of me, preparing the way. I felt that change was needed and coming down the path.
In December, I completed my Master's degree at the University of Central Oklahoma and began examining options to enhance life for myself and my family. In June, the change struck. I was offered a position in Broken Arrow Public Schools, as a guidance counselor at an elementary school. This is definitely a turn of events- I never thought I would be an elementary counselor! I interviewed at all levels and found that I thought elementary would be a great change and a new chance for me in my career. I am looking forward to it! Of course, this also means turning life (as I've known it the last seven years) upside down! Yes, this involves a move. There is so much more feeling and emotion surrounding this move- I couldn't contain it on this blog and should maintain some privacy anyway- but I feel so blessed to be going home again. When I went away to college, I automatically missed Tulsa. I always thought I'd move home after I graduated and live out my days there. It's home. However, my mother moved to Nebraska with her husband during my first semester of college and I fell in love and got married. In this time, I've still felt a connection to my home. I've experienced deep sadness in my mother moving out of state and no longer having a childhood home to visit. In seven years, I've still struggled to feel like me and feel at home. Tulsa is where I feel like me. Like I said, there is so much more to it- and Michael has been involved in scheming and dreaming the whole time. 'No' to some ideas and 'yes' to others. It's been a work in progress.
It will not be a neat and easy move. Lots of factors are involved. However, God knows the plans he has for me and the plans he has for our family. He is a few steps in front of me / us.
I realize fully that my sacrifices are worth the rewards.
I completely embraced the verse: "I know the plans I have for you, said the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Many days, I recited it to myself- like a meditation. I felt, truly, that God was a few steps in front of me, preparing the way. I felt that change was needed and coming down the path.
In December, I completed my Master's degree at the University of Central Oklahoma and began examining options to enhance life for myself and my family. In June, the change struck. I was offered a position in Broken Arrow Public Schools, as a guidance counselor at an elementary school. This is definitely a turn of events- I never thought I would be an elementary counselor! I interviewed at all levels and found that I thought elementary would be a great change and a new chance for me in my career. I am looking forward to it! Of course, this also means turning life (as I've known it the last seven years) upside down! Yes, this involves a move. There is so much more feeling and emotion surrounding this move- I couldn't contain it on this blog and should maintain some privacy anyway- but I feel so blessed to be going home again. When I went away to college, I automatically missed Tulsa. I always thought I'd move home after I graduated and live out my days there. It's home. However, my mother moved to Nebraska with her husband during my first semester of college and I fell in love and got married. In this time, I've still felt a connection to my home. I've experienced deep sadness in my mother moving out of state and no longer having a childhood home to visit. In seven years, I've still struggled to feel like me and feel at home. Tulsa is where I feel like me. Like I said, there is so much more to it- and Michael has been involved in scheming and dreaming the whole time. 'No' to some ideas and 'yes' to others. It's been a work in progress.
It will not be a neat and easy move. Lots of factors are involved. However, God knows the plans he has for me and the plans he has for our family. He is a few steps in front of me / us.
I realize fully that my sacrifices are worth the rewards.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
This must be the place...
When my husband and I started dating, he used to make me mixed tapes. I love that memory and will hold on to each of the tapes until they fully disintegrate. You do realize that means he sat through each song and perfectly timed each piece. It's a bit more personal than clicking a bunch of songs from a play list and burning them to a disc in a matter of seconds.
One time, I was expressing some anxiety about wanting to feel like he loved me. My husband, from time to time, expresses in unorthodox ways and I suppose I was having an insecure moment- as could happen to anyone else, I'm sure. Anyway, the next day, he made me a mixed tape that was all the songs that described how he felt about me and I just bawled. The first song on the tape was "This Must be the Place" by the Talking Heads.
" Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok i know nothing's wrong . . nothing
Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight
Home - is where I want to be
But i guess i'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did i find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be
Hi yo we drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head ah ooh"
It really had me thinking, I've always wanted to be a supportive wife. Right now, my husband is in the seat of being supportive. Many things are going to change in the next couple of months. They are good changes, though emotional ones as well, but as long as we are facing things together, as a team, I guess we will always land 'home' together and find our homes within each other. It is the same support as given in Ruth from the Bible: "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16) I am grateful for a husband who is willing to journey with me and supports me.
Photo circa Feb. 2003, West Hall, University of Central Oklahoma (around mixed tape time)
One time, I was expressing some anxiety about wanting to feel like he loved me. My husband, from time to time, expresses in unorthodox ways and I suppose I was having an insecure moment- as could happen to anyone else, I'm sure. Anyway, the next day, he made me a mixed tape that was all the songs that described how he felt about me and I just bawled. The first song on the tape was "This Must be the Place" by the Talking Heads.
What can I say? He's a sentimental guy.
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok i know nothing's wrong . . nothing
Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight
Home - is where I want to be
But i guess i'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did i find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be
Hi yo we drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head ah ooh"
It really had me thinking, I've always wanted to be a supportive wife. Right now, my husband is in the seat of being supportive. Many things are going to change in the next couple of months. They are good changes, though emotional ones as well, but as long as we are facing things together, as a team, I guess we will always land 'home' together and find our homes within each other. It is the same support as given in Ruth from the Bible: "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16) I am grateful for a husband who is willing to journey with me and supports me.
Photo circa Feb. 2003, West Hall, University of Central Oklahoma (around mixed tape time)
Monday, May 28, 2012
She's Crafty
My lapse in posts can be linked directly to the stress of the end of the craziest school year imaginable and a full throttle job search. (yes, I realize it is usually in bad taste to post that you are seeking a new job, but I just got my Master's and my boss is fully aware of the situation-- after all, he was in my shoes once!) I could not even begin to express all the emotion, exhaustion, exasperation, etc. that make up this process, just know it's been grueling.
In order to avoid a full-fledged nervous breakdown, I have thrown myself completely into distraction. It's officially summer break, so I've engaged in creative overflow. Whatever I can paint, craft, repurpose, organize, or beautify- I will.
My first order of duty was a Craigslist find. Somehow, I randomly found this mirror:
Love. I really like the fun lines and whimsical shape. However, I cannot leave good enough alone, so I put my stamp on it and produced the following result:
This is hanging in the blue bathroom now and I love the pop against the vivid wall color! This is the second change I've made in my restroom. This one is following the framed wedding invite:
Voila! Free art in inexpensive Hobby Lobby frame and matte. I am very pleased with the results.
Then, there's the laundry room. I decided the laundry room was looking tired, uninspired, and worn out. Yes, I know it's just a laundry room, but trust me- a fresh coat of paint was the least of it. I also busted out the tools and made needed repairs.
I decided the walls needed a cool shade of gray. The walls were white, which I believe was probably original to my 1977 house, and dingy. I am not a fan of white walls. Even in a well decorated, well planned room, it often seems sterile, cold, unwelcoming to me. After painting, I decided to incorporate yellow to balance. Yellow and gray are a fabulous pairing. Imagine my excitement when I found the following at Hancock Fabric- discounted!
This was perfect and exactly what I hoped to find! I decided to get pinterest level creative and did the following:
These frames sat in my garage for longer than I can remember, so it felt like I got them for free : ) I chose two of my three fabrics to create custom framed art. The third fabric has a plan already, which I hope to unveil in a future post.
So, I may be living completely up in the air, not knowing what is to come, but at least I am finding creative and productive means to keep myself occupied! I am very pleased with the completed projects and hope to have a 'constructive summer' (that phrase is a nod to the husband ; )...)
In order to avoid a full-fledged nervous breakdown, I have thrown myself completely into distraction. It's officially summer break, so I've engaged in creative overflow. Whatever I can paint, craft, repurpose, organize, or beautify- I will.
My first order of duty was a Craigslist find. Somehow, I randomly found this mirror:
Then, there's the laundry room. I decided the laundry room was looking tired, uninspired, and worn out. Yes, I know it's just a laundry room, but trust me- a fresh coat of paint was the least of it. I also busted out the tools and made needed repairs.
I decided the walls needed a cool shade of gray. The walls were white, which I believe was probably original to my 1977 house, and dingy. I am not a fan of white walls. Even in a well decorated, well planned room, it often seems sterile, cold, unwelcoming to me. After painting, I decided to incorporate yellow to balance. Yellow and gray are a fabulous pairing. Imagine my excitement when I found the following at Hancock Fabric- discounted!
So, I may be living completely up in the air, not knowing what is to come, but at least I am finding creative and productive means to keep myself occupied! I am very pleased with the completed projects and hope to have a 'constructive summer' (that phrase is a nod to the husband ; )...)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Ruby Slippers
Indeed, there is no place like home-- not your 'house', but your HOME. A house is a structure composed of walls and intended for dwelling. A home is where you feel 'just right'. I am, most definitely, ready to put on my ruby slippers, recite there's no place like home, and feel 'just right'. However, this post is not about that. I think it is no secret that I love houses! I love uniqueness of structure, quirky details, designs, creativity, and personality used to dress a house and make 'just right'. I am constantly wanting to tear things up, eliminate clutter, create more functional living spaces and make a house more lovely. Because of that, I am linking to some home blogs I enjoy reading-- just in case anyone else also enjoys houses.
YOUNG HOUSE LOVE
http://www.younghouselove.com/
Young House Love is a love story, a family adventure, and a Do-It-Yourself journey. Sherry and John are a young couple, parents to Clara-- yes, I like that it is close to my daughter's name, Claire! They have owned two quaint, cozy homes in Virginia and worked tirelessly to update, personalize, and customize them. The style is a combination of traditional, modern, and eclectic. My biggest props to them would have to be: 1) How much they accomplish building and blood, sweat, tears physical work--with a toddler, to boot! 2) Vivid use of color!
Photo 1: Love the dynamic colors with the crisp white linens. The room exudes cozy!
Photo 2: The room was originally red brick. I like red brick, but in this den, the red consumed the space and appeared quite dated. The soft cream totally opened up the space! I love/ prefer white woodwork and feel it complements cream because it is analogous and soothing. The auburn-toned wood floor brings warmth.
THRIFTY DECOR CHICK
www.thriftydecorchick.com
Sarah, the blog owner, and I have quite similar taste. From what I have read, we have some similar personality quirks, as well ; ) I relate to her as well- she's a married mother of a young child. She is an expert at personalizing spaces and describes ideas, projects, and activities in a very approachable manner. I'd describe her taste as traditional, warm, and practical.
Photo 1: I enjoy the vertical stripes and I am glad they gave me the idea to juxtapose different colors. I never would have thought to put those colors together. I am enjoy the floral bedding with it. Though it is not visible, there is a fireplace in that room! Meow!
Photo 2: Anyone who know me should realize I am head-over-heels for beadboard. To realize this love, would be- simply- to step foot in my kitchen! I also enjoy the butcher block surface on the island, which is from Ikea! The whole room is clean and has a farmhouse appeal.
VINTAGE REVIVALS
www.vintagerevivals.blogspot.com
Blog owner, Mandi Gubler, is a ray of sunshine! There is something completely genuine in her personality- something that makes me feel as though it would be easy to talk to her. She is also married and a mother. Her story is touching, but I won't get into that here- you'll have to visit her site for yourself! Mandy is the project queen! She constantly has decor ideas and they are always affordable! She frequents Goodwill and Homegoods (wish there was one close to my house!) and prides herself on turning 'crap' into 'crap-tastic- which is clearly better!' Her style can be more modern than mine, but I am attracted to her eclecticism and creativity!
Photo 1: This picture inspired me to try my own hand at the frame display. I wish I'd succeeded! Hers is much better! I am a huge fan of painting a piece of furniture a fun and unexpected color. Exhibit A:
This is my Goodwill telephone table! It was white and boring. I added a glass knob because I love glass knobs! It's like my table is wearing a diamond!
Photo 2: I love the combination of color, texture, and pattern! The paisley bed pillows were made from a skirt and I always enjoy repurposing! I like the soft brass color of the bed- I am not a brass girl, but this is brass done right!
Home sweet home, I am clicking my heels three times! I want to make a house a home.
Have a wonderful week!
Lindsay
YOUNG HOUSE LOVE
http://www.younghouselove.com/
Young House Love is a love story, a family adventure, and a Do-It-Yourself journey. Sherry and John are a young couple, parents to Clara-- yes, I like that it is close to my daughter's name, Claire! They have owned two quaint, cozy homes in Virginia and worked tirelessly to update, personalize, and customize them. The style is a combination of traditional, modern, and eclectic. My biggest props to them would have to be: 1) How much they accomplish building and blood, sweat, tears physical work--with a toddler, to boot! 2) Vivid use of color!
Photo 2: The room was originally red brick. I like red brick, but in this den, the red consumed the space and appeared quite dated. The soft cream totally opened up the space! I love/ prefer white woodwork and feel it complements cream because it is analogous and soothing. The auburn-toned wood floor brings warmth.
THRIFTY DECOR CHICK
www.thriftydecorchick.com
Sarah, the blog owner, and I have quite similar taste. From what I have read, we have some similar personality quirks, as well ; ) I relate to her as well- she's a married mother of a young child. She is an expert at personalizing spaces and describes ideas, projects, and activities in a very approachable manner. I'd describe her taste as traditional, warm, and practical.
Photo 2: Anyone who know me should realize I am head-over-heels for beadboard. To realize this love, would be- simply- to step foot in my kitchen! I also enjoy the butcher block surface on the island, which is from Ikea! The whole room is clean and has a farmhouse appeal.
VINTAGE REVIVALS
www.vintagerevivals.blogspot.com
Blog owner, Mandi Gubler, is a ray of sunshine! There is something completely genuine in her personality- something that makes me feel as though it would be easy to talk to her. She is also married and a mother. Her story is touching, but I won't get into that here- you'll have to visit her site for yourself! Mandy is the project queen! She constantly has decor ideas and they are always affordable! She frequents Goodwill and Homegoods (wish there was one close to my house!) and prides herself on turning 'crap' into 'crap-tastic- which is clearly better!' Her style can be more modern than mine, but I am attracted to her eclecticism and creativity!
Photo 1: This picture inspired me to try my own hand at the frame display. I wish I'd succeeded! Hers is much better! I am a huge fan of painting a piece of furniture a fun and unexpected color. Exhibit A:
Photo 2: I love the combination of color, texture, and pattern! The paisley bed pillows were made from a skirt and I always enjoy repurposing! I like the soft brass color of the bed- I am not a brass girl, but this is brass done right!
Home sweet home, I am clicking my heels three times! I want to make a house a home.
Have a wonderful week!
Lindsay
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Test and Persevere
PLANS: I've been making a lot of them lately. Tricky thing about plans, there is no absolute. Life cannot issue you a guarantee. What I know is: God has a plan. I beg God for what I think is best. Several times, those plans fell through and later I realized I was glad of it. Good things fell apart so better things could come together. I really feel like I found where the path is leading and it makes me tremendously happy. Yet, again, I must say that there is no guarantee.
Now, I wonder- is God testing me to see how bad I really want the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You see, a few opportunities have presented themselves. I should be psyched, right?! No, these opportunities are not what I want. In the past, I would have settled. I would have given in, thinking, "well, this is better than nothing". Ultimately, I would be sad that I was not where I wanted to be. Here I am God, like a rabbit sitting behind a carrot dangling on a string. Are you testing me, Lord? Are you looking to see if I will desperately take the bait? If so, it would appear that I was not as passionate about what I REALLY WANT. But I am God. I will not settle. I will keep working toward what I REALLY WANT out of life. If this is a test, I will persevere.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Lucky Number Seven
It seems silly to call it luck because it is more like being blessed. Seven years ago tomorrow, I married my college sweetheart. It's been a wild seven years. We've been through challenges and successes. We've experienced tragedies, including the tragic death of my cousin, Tim, on the night of our wedding. We've bought property, worked grown-up jobs, and made grown-up decisions. Almost three years ago, we became parents, something we want to do again before too long. For ten solid years, we've been side by side, seven years as Mr. and Mrs.
What pleases me the most, is finding that we get better with time. We relate better, we communicate better, we are wiser. I've realized that my husband is a great source of support, someone who sincerely wants the best for me, celebrates my successes, and feels my defeat if I experience sadness or disappointment. He's my cheerleader and my friend. He is witty and intelligent and I admire his conviction and resolve. I am never bored with him and I am glad to know that I can trust him to amuse me when we are in side by side rocking chairs and have become a burden to our adult children- sorry, Claire!
The most important things I've learned in marriage are:
1) to be comfortable in my own skin- letting go of insecurities, in many areas
2) abandon fear when communicating- you never know until you ask!
3) each marriage is unique and comparison is the enemy! Who cares how others operate? Your marriage = your creation!
What thrills me most, is the opportunities we are seeking right now- for ourselves and our family. The best is yet to be!
The most important things I've learned in marriage are:
1) to be comfortable in my own skin- letting go of insecurities, in many areas
2) abandon fear when communicating- you never know until you ask!
3) each marriage is unique and comparison is the enemy! Who cares how others operate? Your marriage = your creation!
What thrills me most, is the opportunities we are seeking right now- for ourselves and our family. The best is yet to be!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thirty by Thirty, in retrospect...
The following is an old blog post with goals for thirty. My notes indicate exactly how well each one went : )
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Thirty by thirty.
Inspired by the blog musings of Mrs. Jessica Moore, I have decided to compile my own goal list. My thirtieth birthday will be August 25, 2011. This gives me 14 months to do the following. This list is in no particular order, by the way.
30. Be one semester away from completing my graduate degree (M.Ed in Guidance and Counseling)
*** DONE! Finished December 2011!
29. Keep better lesson plans at work / be more organized, results will be subjective, but I'll know.
*** Better than where I was, but still needs work.
28. Complete kitchen projects- redo the floor, re-stain the cabinets, fourth light in place
*** Painted cabinets and they look fabulous! Put up a back splash that I think looks great!
27. survive potty training
*** Ummm, this is STILL a work in progress, but going okay...
26. Be two dress sizes smaller than I am right now
*** Bummer, I came so close. I am down about 9 lbs / 1 dress size, but working one it!
25. learn to crochet- more than basic and do it to blow off steam sometimes
*** I can't say I have learned how to do anything fancy, but I did crochet over Christmas break!
24. accomplish massive garage clean out
***Did a pretty good job on this one! Perfect? No, but purged a lot!
23. win a decent scholarship in graduate school
*** Done! I won a foundation scholarship- probably the most $$$ a grad student can win : )
22. cook better (again, results will be subjective, but I'll know)
*** I've made progress here. I've learned to be a little more creative with food and use the crock pot more!
21. save $200 per month for school
*** Well, I managed to graduate debt free, so I'll just chalk that up to a win!
20. paint and patch the ceilings in my home
*** This did not happen; I confess.
19. purge unneeded junk that is hiding in my house
*** I've made a ton of progress here and I am still working!
18. learn to play a couple of kids' songs on the guitar for Claire
*** I am laughing at myself for thinking I would have time to do this. I wrote this as a grad
student : )
17. get pregnant again- but not quite yet, thank you ; ) (I still have those two dress sizes to lose first!)
*** This one is a tough one. Yes, there will be another Ross baby in the future. However, I feel God has called me to accomplish a few things first. My goal of three years apart has changed. This has been a challenge, but I know God has a plan for it. I cannot stress because it will happen.
16. get all prerequisites together to obtain my LPC
*** I have 3 credit hours toward this and need to officially apply to the board!
15. read 3 classic novels I have otherwise missed.
*** Another thing that makes me laugh- thinking I would have time while I was working on my grad degree, fixing up my house, parenting, crocheting, etc.! I am so funny ; )
14. practice self control with eating 97% of the time
*** I've made progress here, but it is a journey, not a destination, so I hope to strengthen and improve my progress.
13. go out on more dates with my husband
*** I've made some progress here, but more is needed. I definitely appreciate him more.
12. lose any guilt
*** I feel pretty good about this one! I've worked hard to accept and appreciate!
11. grow out my hair again- without being ridiculous- make efforts to enjoy and preserve my youthful appearance while I still have it! I always look at picture of my mom with me when I was young and think- she looks great! I want Claire to think that too. Again, not obsessed with appearance, just appreciative of God's gift of youth while I still have it and to be happy with my appearance ; )
*** Done! Love my long hair- working on a more fit figure to go with it!
10. become more involved in my church- where I have slacked off as of late. I admit it.
*** A little bit of progress. A few things to consider here...
9. own a 21st century phone- I hold out because I am too cheap, but eventually, I'd like to own a smart phone with GPS or any needed info at my fingertips. Sheesh- this is too stupid to be a real goal. I will call this one # 9, then give myself a 9.5 to make up for it.
*** Done! Michael got me an iPhone for my birthday! Boy do I love that GPS!
9.5. maintain a G.P.A. art or above 3.7 (did I redeem myself with 9.5?)
*** Done! Graduated with 3.8 GPA!
8. create and adhere to a cleaning / chores chart in our home (sorry, Michael- this includes you)
*** Weeeellllll....
7. Be more comfortable with where I am over where I think I should be.
*** Done! I think I covered this in my blog It's a Trap!
6. put a picture in the frame on my mantle that has has the stock photo in it since we got married- 5 years ago. Yes, that's right, I've displayed a frame on my mantle with the picture that came with it for 5 years now. Nice.
7. enter the toddler years with love and patience
*** Hahaha! What did I even mean here?! Most of the time, I think I do well here. However, who is perfect in this arena?
6. Print photographs an place in albums in a timely manner. ( The last pictures I have printed are from last October!)
*** This did not happen. I guess I am a leave hundreds of pics on your computer and never print them sort of girl!
5. In light of my perfectionism, go easier on myself.
*** Mostly, I feel successful here. I still expect myself to be super woman!
4. spend less money on things that are not fun to spend money on (i.e. find resourceful ways to reduce expenses like my grocery bill!)
*** Not so much. I do collect points on my credit card- does that count?!
3. Go on road trips. Claire is of an age where I feel we can survive 3-5 hours in a car.
*** C and I are going to Texas to see Jill and Mara next month! Three hours in the car with a toddler- here we come!
2. hold office in an organization that means something to me
*** HACT president, SOSCA secretary = done! (Now, time to give myself a break!)
1. have faith in general, doubt less, worry less, enjoy more.
*** I feel good about this. My faith is my rock. Jer. 29:11
It occurs to me that these goals may not be 'glamorous', but they are all worthy to me. I am going to challenge myself to visit these goals when I turn 30 and tell you all how it has gone! Accountability, right? Then, I can set the next set of goals.
Thirty.
Six months
ago, I turned 30. It was not something I looked to with dread or
disgust, nor something I eager and excitedly awaited. If you ask me how
it felt, I'd just say weird. It felt weird. In that adventurous time
known as the twenties, I graduated with my bachelor's degree, married my
college sweetheart, began my career, became a mother, and returned to
complete a master's degree (which I, technically finished at age
thirty). So much life and growth takes place in your twenties. You
develop who you are and where you are going. I was extremely
sentimental and sad about departing from the comfort of my twenties. It
was truly a sweet time.
Once my
sentiment about the end of my twenties began to wane, the realization of
my thirties began. I do not mean to cast it in a negative light, but
must point out that it changed my perspective on my life and myself in
several ways. Many of the things I thought or did in my twenties are
suddenly gone by the wayside. All of the sudden, I became cognitively
aware of where the fine lines are going to gather in my face.
Goodness! I do not think I have lots of deep wrinkles or anything crazy
like that, but I did finally decide I am too old to just use Dial soap
and hand lotion on my face. That's right, it is time for a real facial
moisturizer and gentle soap, milled for the purposes of protecting the
gentle skin of the face.
About four
months ago, I had a physical. I expected to be told I was overweight,
but thought everything else would be status-quo. Within a couple of
weeks, I was informed that I had high cholesterol. Really? Jeez.
Thirty felt a little young to be dealing with this. Great, now I have
to take cholesterol reducing medicine. Oh, and by the way dear, what is
your exercise routine? Um... what exercise routine? Should I admit
that? Crap. I guess I have to do that now. In my twenties, I winged
it. Thirty? Thirty = GET YOUR BUTT UP AND START MOVING. Ugh. Not my
favorite revelation. Now, I am getting up thirty minutes early and
working that heart rate and toning. As I become more intrenched in this
routine, I feel I truly need to step it up even more. Additionally, I
have had to start
watching what I eat more. The older you get, the slower the
metabolism. Truth, sad, sad, truth. I am not where I need to be, but I
have devised and implemented plans for caloric reduction and saying no
in situations where I would have previously said yes. On occasion, yes,
I need a sweet treat. Do I need cake or cookies every time they may be
offered? Sadly, no. The nine pounds I have lost since that physical
tell me that what I am doing must be done.
Much of my
committment to these changes is wrapped up in one word: Claire. I
constantly think about how important parents are in the lives of their
children. I am not just taking care of my self for my own
perservation. I am taking better care of myself to be the mom Claire
needs. Again- becoming a parent changes the way you look at everything
in your life. It is a different world.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
It's a trap
Four letter words are, indeed, rude, often hateful, and lacking in decorous elocution. However, I think the single worst word one can use is 'should'. That's right 'should'. It puts a bad taste in my mouth. It is a demanding word, insistent on its own way, and creates a standard with pressure to follow.
There are two main ways the word 'should' can be used toxically.
1) When other make demands on us
and, possibly worse
2) When we make (often illogical) demands on ourselves
The first represents guilt and, many times, manipulation. It is a person telling you exactly what you 'should' be doing- and how often how you should be doing it! You tell this person, "I am sorry, I have a previous engagement that day, so I really cannot make the party". What is the appropriate response to this? "I understand, but we'll miss you. Let's raincheck!". What is the 'should' person's response? "You really should stop by, even if it is just for a minute". Seriously? I just said I cannot make it. Is that not enough? In the past, I would have felt tremendously guilty or a since of obligation and rearranged my day. Likely, this would consist of shortening my time at my previous engagement, wrangling a toddler between activities, living in my car to get from place to place, stressing over traffic and making time, etcetera! Why? Why did all this stress and insanity ensue? Because someone said "should" to me. Shudder. Instead of managing my time and my sanity, I allowed someone saying "should" to dictate my day and throw me into a needless chaos. No more.
The second should is a torture we inflict on ourselves. It is that unhealthy picture in our mind of the way things should be.
I should be able to keep a clean house 98% of the time; I should be able to entertain my toddler with enriching activities without needing to resort to television; I should be able to watch my weight all the time and exercise. High expectations for a mom who works full time, tries to be a good wife, and tries to carve out five minutes to do something to replenish herself every-so-often. (only a couple of months ago, graduate student was part of that description! Ahhh!) As a mom, I should be able to plan those cute child birthday parties- like you see on pinterest. As a wife, I should be able to work the fifties' housewife model, even as a full time teacher. As for me, I should put myself on the back burner. How is that for delusional?!
What I have truly learned is: I am a whole lot happier when I stop worrying about how I should be, what I should be doing, and how I should be doing things, and just live- the best way I know how! At the end of the day, half of the things I think I should be doing are a little unrealistic or even not terribly important in the first place. Besides, another consequence of should is its tendency to accompany comparison- ie. I should be able to accomplish this because so and so did and I am as capable as them. Um, really? Do you actually know they even accomplish this? Do you know if they had help? Does it matter because you are a different person, living a different life?! EXACTLY. Comparison is, truly, the thief of joy.
It's a trap. I quit leading the life I should live and started leading the life I can. This is definitely one of the best decisions I have ever made.
There are two main ways the word 'should' can be used toxically.
1) When other make demands on us
and, possibly worse
2) When we make (often illogical) demands on ourselves
The first represents guilt and, many times, manipulation. It is a person telling you exactly what you 'should' be doing- and how often how you should be doing it! You tell this person, "I am sorry, I have a previous engagement that day, so I really cannot make the party". What is the appropriate response to this? "I understand, but we'll miss you. Let's raincheck!". What is the 'should' person's response? "You really should stop by, even if it is just for a minute". Seriously? I just said I cannot make it. Is that not enough? In the past, I would have felt tremendously guilty or a since of obligation and rearranged my day. Likely, this would consist of shortening my time at my previous engagement, wrangling a toddler between activities, living in my car to get from place to place, stressing over traffic and making time, etcetera! Why? Why did all this stress and insanity ensue? Because someone said "should" to me. Shudder. Instead of managing my time and my sanity, I allowed someone saying "should" to dictate my day and throw me into a needless chaos. No more.
The second should is a torture we inflict on ourselves. It is that unhealthy picture in our mind of the way things should be.
I should be able to keep a clean house 98% of the time; I should be able to entertain my toddler with enriching activities without needing to resort to television; I should be able to watch my weight all the time and exercise. High expectations for a mom who works full time, tries to be a good wife, and tries to carve out five minutes to do something to replenish herself every-so-often. (only a couple of months ago, graduate student was part of that description! Ahhh!) As a mom, I should be able to plan those cute child birthday parties- like you see on pinterest. As a wife, I should be able to work the fifties' housewife model, even as a full time teacher. As for me, I should put myself on the back burner. How is that for delusional?!
What I have truly learned is: I am a whole lot happier when I stop worrying about how I should be, what I should be doing, and how I should be doing things, and just live- the best way I know how! At the end of the day, half of the things I think I should be doing are a little unrealistic or even not terribly important in the first place. Besides, another consequence of should is its tendency to accompany comparison- ie. I should be able to accomplish this because so and so did and I am as capable as them. Um, really? Do you actually know they even accomplish this? Do you know if they had help? Does it matter because you are a different person, living a different life?! EXACTLY. Comparison is, truly, the thief of joy.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Hurry up and wait...
Remember how I said I felt my story was quite condensed when I told it here? I was not kidding. I am swirling in a sea of possibilities right now. Some of them so wonderful- they literally make me giddy. The problem? The problem is: I am not a patient person. I am not alone. Many others suffer from the same frustrations I do. Some of these possibilities have been years in the making and may be within a few months of fulfillment. Am I infuriatingly vague enough? Sorry. It will all come together. I see this blog as an account of the celebrations of Lindsay-ness. The pieces will make up the bigger picture as we go. If nothing else, I enjoy writing.
In the meantime, how can I manifest patience? It's cyclical. I go through moments where I am busier or content enough. I tear something up and paint it. I organize something. I look for things I can spring clean. Then.... then what? Feel like I am going crazy waiting again, have a content moment again, tear up and paint again- lather, rinse, repeat! Seriously, I am in need of divine assistance here. I think God is saying this to me:
In the meantime, how can I manifest patience? It's cyclical. I go through moments where I am busier or content enough. I tear something up and paint it. I organize something. I look for things I can spring clean. Then.... then what? Feel like I am going crazy waiting again, have a content moment again, tear up and paint again- lather, rinse, repeat! Seriously, I am in need of divine assistance here. I think God is saying this to me:
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Fictional Heroes
Michael and I like to watch shows together, after Claire goes to bed. You know, the kind where the plot doesn't revolve around singing, dancing animals? This is our hang out time- and being the nerds we are, we discuss the plot points and character motivations, etc. We have done this with The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and, recently, Friday Night Lights. When Michael picked this, I rolled over and occupied myself with other things. Football? The only time I care about football is when I have students playing. Why would I want to watch a show about football? Several episodes in, I was still unconvinced- when, suddenly, I was gripped! I can't pinpoint how it drew me, but how it kept me? Two words: Tami Taylor. The wife of the football coach. She was not written to be a 'behind the scenes coach's wife'. She was written as a nurturing mother, loving wife, AND successful / ambition career woman. That's right, no 'supporting- stands behind her man only' sort of lady. A lady of substance! I think I was very drawn to the concept of the consummate working mother- who happens to be a guidance counselor (imagine that!) and an administrator. We missed the show entirely while it was running, but all seasons can be found on Netflix and streamed.
I stumbled on this article online the other day, which I stole from here. Hope you enjoy another mom's take. She may be a fictional hero, but I enjoyed cheering for a character who truly seemed to relate to me on several levels.
10 REASONS TAMI TAYLOR IS THE MOM I WANT TO BE
Nothing made me happier this week than hearing the news that Connie Britton -- who plays Tami Taylor on "Friday Night Lights" -- was nominated for an Emmy.
Tami Taylor
is a woman who not only makes me laugh, cry and love, but, since I'm a
mom-to-be myself, she makes me feel that I want to be exactly like her
when I become a mom.
For those of you who are not familiar with "Friday Night Lights," I urge you: Go to Netflix immediately and order the back seasons. Yes, I am a superfan, but truly, it is the best show on television. It's about so much more than football -- it's about family.
Tami is the coach's wife and principal of Dillon High. She is a beautifully complex character. I watch season after season and constantly think to myself, "Ooh! I've got to remember that when I'm a mom." Now that I'm only three months away from having my own daughter, I hope I can channel Tami Taylor as my child goes from the crib to college.
As a shout-out (and congratulations) to Connie Britton, I hereby present the ten reasons why Tami Taylor is the mom I want to be:
1) Tami is a strong, successful career woman -- a role model to her daughter!
Sure, she deals with a ton of crap as principal of Dillon High. But she has managed to support her husband (she picked up and moved where his job landed him) while still lifting her own career to new heights. (She went from guidance counselor to school principal.)
2) Other kids turn to Tami for help.
I love that Tami is someone the teens in the series feel safe going to for help. Everyone from Tyra Collette (Adrianne Palicki), the town bad girl who turned her life around to go to college, to Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford), whose father died in the war, has received some loving from Mrs. Taylor!
3) Tami is beyond in love with her husband -- and isn't afraid to show that to her kids.
I know kids do not want to see their parents make out, but I do want to be able to kiss and hold hands with my husband without worrying what my kids think. I love that Tami is physically affectionate.
4) She is an all-encompassing listener.
There's never CrackBerry in sight when you've got time with the coach's wife.
5) She miraculously says the right thing at the right time.
Tami is the queen of the perfect inspiring line. This season, when Tami took her daughter, Julie, for a college visit, she had the perfect comeback when Julie told her that going to Boston College was her mother's dream, not hers. Tami explained that she has her family, and therefore her dream has come true; now she wants to do everything she can to help her daughter's dream come true. (Sniff, sniff.)
6) She is 100 percent honest with her daughter.
When Julie disappoints Tami, Tami always tells her. She is honest with her emotions and always explains why Julie has let her down.
7) She's one tough lady!
Those jerk-face football guys in the Dillon High Booster Club are always giving Tami sh*t, but she's not afraid. She always brings it -- with an extra jab, too!
8) She loves her wine!
I'm not saying that as a mother I want to be a boozer, but Tami knows how to take care of herself, and I think that's important. You have to enjoy the simple pleasures, right? A date night with the television and a glass of Chardonnay is sometimes the best therapy.
9) She's her family's biggest cheerleader!
Miss a Friday night game or a school event? No way! I hope I can motivate my family like Tami does hers. Her slogan in (and out) of the locker room is, "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!"
10) She is one hot mama!
OK, I know this is superficial, but I hope I age half as well as Mrs. Taylor! Can we puhleese find out what kind of skin care this woman is using?!
I stumbled on this article online the other day, which I stole from here. Hope you enjoy another mom's take. She may be a fictional hero, but I enjoyed cheering for a character who truly seemed to relate to me on several levels.
10 REASONS TAMI TAYLOR IS THE MOM I WANT TO BE
Nothing made me happier this week than hearing the news that Connie Britton -- who plays Tami Taylor on "Friday Night Lights" -- was nominated for an Emmy.
NBC
For those of you who are not familiar with "Friday Night Lights," I urge you: Go to Netflix immediately and order the back seasons. Yes, I am a superfan, but truly, it is the best show on television. It's about so much more than football -- it's about family.
Tami is the coach's wife and principal of Dillon High. She is a beautifully complex character. I watch season after season and constantly think to myself, "Ooh! I've got to remember that when I'm a mom." Now that I'm only three months away from having my own daughter, I hope I can channel Tami Taylor as my child goes from the crib to college.
As a shout-out (and congratulations) to Connie Britton, I hereby present the ten reasons why Tami Taylor is the mom I want to be:
1) Tami is a strong, successful career woman -- a role model to her daughter!
Sure, she deals with a ton of crap as principal of Dillon High. But she has managed to support her husband (she picked up and moved where his job landed him) while still lifting her own career to new heights. (She went from guidance counselor to school principal.)
2) Other kids turn to Tami for help.
I love that Tami is someone the teens in the series feel safe going to for help. Everyone from Tyra Collette (Adrianne Palicki), the town bad girl who turned her life around to go to college, to Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford), whose father died in the war, has received some loving from Mrs. Taylor!
3) Tami is beyond in love with her husband -- and isn't afraid to show that to her kids.
I know kids do not want to see their parents make out, but I do want to be able to kiss and hold hands with my husband without worrying what my kids think. I love that Tami is physically affectionate.
NBC
There's never CrackBerry in sight when you've got time with the coach's wife.
5) She miraculously says the right thing at the right time.
Tami is the queen of the perfect inspiring line. This season, when Tami took her daughter, Julie, for a college visit, she had the perfect comeback when Julie told her that going to Boston College was her mother's dream, not hers. Tami explained that she has her family, and therefore her dream has come true; now she wants to do everything she can to help her daughter's dream come true. (Sniff, sniff.)
6) She is 100 percent honest with her daughter.
When Julie disappoints Tami, Tami always tells her. She is honest with her emotions and always explains why Julie has let her down.
7) She's one tough lady!
Those jerk-face football guys in the Dillon High Booster Club are always giving Tami sh*t, but she's not afraid. She always brings it -- with an extra jab, too!
NBC
I'm not saying that as a mother I want to be a boozer, but Tami knows how to take care of herself, and I think that's important. You have to enjoy the simple pleasures, right? A date night with the television and a glass of Chardonnay is sometimes the best therapy.
9) She's her family's biggest cheerleader!
Miss a Friday night game or a school event? No way! I hope I can motivate my family like Tami does hers. Her slogan in (and out) of the locker room is, "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!"
10) She is one hot mama!
OK, I know this is superficial, but I hope I age half as well as Mrs. Taylor! Can we puhleese find out what kind of skin care this woman is using?!
Monday, February 13, 2012
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