Thirty by Thirty, in retrospect...

The following is an old blog post with goals for thirty.  My notes indicate exactly how well each one went : )

 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Thirty by thirty.

Inspired by the blog musings of Mrs. Jessica Moore, I have decided to compile my own goal list. My thirtieth birthday will be August 25, 2011. This gives me 14 months to do the following. This list is in no particular order, by the way.

30. Be one semester away from completing my graduate degree (M.Ed in Guidance and Counseling)
*** DONE! Finished December 2011!

29. Keep better lesson plans at work / be more organized, results will be subjective, but I'll know.
*** Better than where I was, but still needs work.

28. Complete kitchen projects- redo the floor, re-stain the cabinets, fourth light in place
*** Painted cabinets and they look fabulous! Put up a back splash that I think looks great!

27. survive potty training
*** Ummm, this is STILL a work in progress, but going okay...

26. Be two dress sizes smaller than I am right now
*** Bummer, I came so close.  I am down about 9 lbs / 1 dress size, but working one it!

25. learn to crochet- more than basic and do it to blow off steam sometimes
*** I can't say I have learned how to do anything fancy, but I did crochet over Christmas break!

24. accomplish massive garage clean out
***Did a pretty good job on this one!  Perfect?  No, but purged a lot!

23. win a decent scholarship in graduate school
*** Done!  I won a foundation scholarship- probably the most $$$ a grad student can win : )

22. cook better (again, results will be subjective, but I'll know)
*** I've made progress here.  I've learned to be a little more creative with food and use the crock pot   more!

21. save $200 per month for school
*** Well, I managed to graduate debt free, so I'll just chalk that up to a win!

20. paint and patch the ceilings in my home
*** This did not happen; I confess.

19. purge unneeded junk that is hiding in my house
*** I've made a ton of progress here and I am still working!

18. learn to play a couple of kids' songs on the guitar for Claire
*** I am laughing at myself for thinking I would have time to do this.  I wrote this as a grad
student : )

17. get pregnant again- but not quite yet, thank you ; ) (I still have those two dress sizes to lose first!)
*** This one is a tough one.  Yes, there will be another Ross baby in the future.  However, I feel God has called me to accomplish a few things first.  My goal of three years apart has changed.  This has been a challenge, but I know God has a plan for it.  I cannot stress because it will happen.

16. get all prerequisites together to obtain my LPC
*** I have 3 credit hours toward this and need to officially apply to the board!

15. read 3 classic novels I have otherwise missed.
*** Another thing that makes me laugh- thinking I would have time while I was working on my grad degree, fixing up my house, parenting, crocheting, etc.!  I am so funny ; )

14. practice self control with eating 97% of the time
*** I've made progress here, but it is a journey, not a destination, so I hope to strengthen and improve my progress.

13. go out on more dates with my husband
*** I've made some progress here, but more is needed.  I definitely appreciate him more.

12. lose any guilt
*** I feel pretty good about this one!  I've worked hard to accept and appreciate!

11. grow out my hair again- without being ridiculous- make efforts to enjoy and preserve my youthful appearance while I still have it! I always look at picture of my mom with me when I was young and think- she looks great! I want Claire to think that too. Again, not obsessed with appearance, just appreciative of God's gift of youth while I still have it and to be happy with my appearance ; )
*** Done!  Love my long hair- working on a more fit figure to go with it!

10. become more involved in my church- where I have slacked off as of late. I admit it.
*** A little bit of progress.  A few things to consider here...

9. own a 21st century phone- I hold out because I am too cheap, but eventually, I'd like to own a smart phone with GPS or any needed info at my fingertips. Sheesh- this is too stupid to be a real goal. I will call this one # 9, then give myself a 9.5 to make up for it.
*** Done! Michael got me an iPhone for my birthday!  Boy do I love that GPS!

9.5. maintain a G.P.A. art or above 3.7 (did I redeem myself with 9.5?)
*** Done!  Graduated with 3.8 GPA!

8. create and adhere to a cleaning / chores chart in our home (sorry, Michael- this includes you)
*** Weeeellllll....

7. Be more comfortable with where I am over where I think I should be.
*** Done!  I think I covered this in my blog It's a Trap!

6. put a picture in the frame on my mantle that has has the stock photo in it since we got married- 5 years ago. Yes, that's right, I've displayed a frame on my mantle with the picture that came with it for 5 years now. Nice.

*** Done!  The preceding picture of my sweet girl is in that frame!

7. enter the toddler years with love and patience
*** Hahaha! What did I even mean here?!  Most of the time, I think I do well here.  However, who is perfect in this arena?

6. Print photographs an place in albums in a timely manner. ( The last pictures I have printed are from last October!)
*** This did not happen.  I guess I am a leave hundreds of pics on your computer and never print them sort of girl!

5. In light of my perfectionism, go easier on myself.
*** Mostly, I feel successful here.  I still expect myself to be super woman!

4. spend less money on things that are not fun to spend money on (i.e. find resourceful ways to reduce expenses like my grocery bill!)

*** Not so much.  I do collect points on my credit card- does that count?!

3. Go on road trips. Claire is of an age where I feel we can survive 3-5 hours in a car.
*** C and I are going to Texas to see Jill and Mara next month!  Three hours in the car with a toddler- here we come!

2. hold office in an organization that means something to me
*** HACT president, SOSCA secretary = done! (Now, time to give myself a break!)

1. have faith in general, doubt less, worry less, enjoy more.
*** I feel good about this.  My faith is my rock.  Jer. 29:11

It occurs to me that these goals may not be 'glamorous', but they are all worthy to me. I am going to challenge myself to visit these goals when I turn 30 and tell you all how it has gone! Accountability, right? Then, I can set the next set of goals.

Thirty.

Six months ago, I turned 30.  It was not something I looked to with dread or disgust, nor something I eager and excitedly awaited. If you ask me how it felt, I'd just say weird.  It felt weird.  In that adventurous time known as the twenties, I graduated with my bachelor's degree, married my college sweetheart, began my career, became a mother, and returned to complete a master's degree (which I, technically finished at age thirty).  So much life and growth takes place in your twenties.  You develop who you are and where you are going.  I was extremely sentimental and sad about departing from the comfort of my twenties.  It was truly a sweet time.

 

Once my sentiment about the end of my twenties began to wane, the realization of my thirties began.  I do not mean to cast it in a negative light, but must point out that it changed my perspective on my life and myself in several ways.  Many of the things I thought or did in my twenties are suddenly gone by the wayside.  All of the sudden, I became cognitively aware of where the fine lines are going to gather in my face.  Goodness!  I do not think I have lots of deep wrinkles or anything crazy like that, but I did finally decide I am too old to just use Dial soap and hand lotion on my face.  That's right, it is time for a real facial moisturizer and gentle soap, milled for the purposes of protecting the gentle skin of the face. 

 

About four months ago, I had a physical.  I expected to be told I was overweight, but thought everything else would be status-quo.  Within a couple of weeks, I was informed that I had high cholesterol.  Really?  Jeez.  Thirty felt a little young to be dealing with this.  Great, now I have to take cholesterol reducing medicine.  Oh, and by the way dear, what is your exercise routine?  Um... what exercise routine?  Should I admit that?  Crap.  I guess I have to do that now.  In my twenties, I winged it.  Thirty?  Thirty = GET YOUR BUTT UP AND START MOVING.  Ugh.  Not my favorite revelation.  Now, I am getting up thirty minutes early and working that heart rate and toning.  As I become more intrenched in this routine, I feel I truly need to step it up even more.  Additionally, I have had to start watching what I eat more.  The older you get, the slower the metabolism.  Truth, sad, sad, truth.  I am not where I need to be, but I have devised and implemented plans for caloric reduction and saying no in situations where I would have previously said yes.  On occasion, yes, I need a sweet treat.  Do I need cake or cookies every time they may be offered?  Sadly, no.  The nine pounds I have lost since that physical tell me that what I am doing must be done.

 

Much of my committment to these changes is wrapped up in one word: Claire.  I constantly think about how important parents are in the lives of their children.  I am not just taking care of my self for my own perservation.  I am taking better care of myself to be the mom Claire needs.  Again- becoming a parent changes the way you look at everything in your life.  It is a different world. 

 

So, thirty.  It's not so bad. I think it is just the kick in the butt I needed.  I sincerely look forward to what my thirties will bring.  Career changes, (at a blessed point in the future) a new sibling for Claire, new academic endeavors.  I hope to be just as sentimental about my departing thirties, someday, as I have been about the end of my twenties.  It is what you make it.  I am going to make it BIG.

It's a trap

Four letter words are, indeed, rude, often hateful, and lacking in decorous elocution.  However, I think the single worst word one can use is 'should'.  That's right 'should'.  It puts a bad taste in my mouth.  It is a demanding word, insistent on its own way, and creates a standard with pressure to follow. 

There are two main ways the word 'should' can be used toxically. 

1) When other make demands on us

and, possibly worse

2) When we make (often illogical) demands on ourselves

The first represents guilt and, many times, manipulation.  It is a person telling you exactly what you 'should' be doing- and how often how you should be doing it!  You tell this person,  "I am sorry, I have a previous engagement that day, so I really cannot make the party".  What is the appropriate response to this?  "I understand, but we'll miss you.  Let's raincheck!".  What is the 'should' person's response?  "You really should stop by, even if it is just for a minute".  Seriously?  I just said I cannot make it.  Is that not enough?  In the past, I would have felt tremendously guilty or a since of obligation and rearranged my day.  Likely, this would consist of shortening my time at my previous engagement, wrangling a toddler between activities, living in my car to get from place to place, stressing over traffic and making time, etcetera!  Why?  Why did all this stress and insanity ensue?  Because someone said "should" to me.  Shudder.  Instead of managing my time and my sanity, I allowed someone saying "should" to dictate my day and throw me into a needless chaos.  No more.

The second should is a torture we inflict on ourselves.  It is that unhealthy picture in our mind of the way things should be. 

I should be able to keep a clean house 98% of the time;  I should be able to entertain my toddler with enriching activities without needing to resort to television; I should be able to watch my weight all the time and exercise.  High expectations for a mom who works full time, tries to be a good wife, and tries to carve out five minutes to do something to replenish herself every-so-often.  (only a couple of months ago, graduate student was part of that description! Ahhh!)  As a mom, I should be able to plan those cute child birthday parties- like you see on pinterest.  As a wife, I should be able to work the fifties' housewife model, even as a full time teacher.  As for me, I should put myself on the back burner.  How is that for delusional?!

What I have truly learned is: I am a whole lot happier when I stop worrying about how I should be, what I should be doing, and how I should be doing things, and just live- the best way I know how!  At the end of the day, half of the things I think I should be doing are a little unrealistic or even not terribly important in the first place.  Besides, another consequence of should is its tendency to accompany comparison- ie. I should be able to accomplish this because so and so did and I am as capable as them.  Um, really?  Do you actually know they even accomplish this?  Do you know if they had help?  Does it matter because you are a different person, living a different life?!  EXACTLY.  Comparison is, truly, the thief of joy.

It's a trap.  I quit leading the life I should live and started leading the life I can.  This is definitely one of the best decisions I have ever made.  

Hurry up and wait...

Remember how I said I felt my story was quite condensed when I told it here?  I was not kidding.  I am swirling in a sea of possibilities right now.  Some of them so wonderful- they literally make me giddy.  The problem?  The problem is: I am not a patient person.  I am not alone.  Many others suffer from the same frustrations I do.  Some of these possibilities have been years in the making and may be within a few months of fulfillment.  Am I infuriatingly vague enough?  Sorry.  It will all come together.  I see this blog as an account of the celebrations of Lindsay-ness.  The pieces will make up the bigger picture as we go.  If nothing else, I enjoy writing.

In the meantime, how can I manifest patience?  It's cyclical.  I go through moments where I am busier or content enough.  I tear something up and paint it.  I organize something.  I look for things I can spring clean.  Then.... then what?  Feel like I am going crazy waiting again, have a content moment again, tear up and paint again- lather, rinse, repeat!  Seriously, I am in need of divine assistance here.  I think God is saying this to me:

Fictional Heroes

Michael and I like to watch shows together, after Claire goes to bed.  You know, the kind where the plot doesn't revolve around singing, dancing animals? This is our hang out time- and being the nerds we are, we discuss the plot points and character motivations, etc.  We have done this with The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and, recently, Friday Night Lights.  When Michael picked this, I rolled over and occupied myself with other things.  Football?  The only time I care about football is when I have students playing.  Why would I want to watch a show about football?  Several episodes in, I was still unconvinced- when, suddenly, I was gripped!  I can't pinpoint how it drew me, but how it kept me? Two words: Tami Taylor.  The wife of the football coach.  She was not written to be a 'behind the scenes coach's wife'.  She was written as a nurturing mother, loving wife, AND successful / ambition career woman.  That's right, no 'supporting- stands behind her man only' sort of lady.  A lady of substance!  I think I was very drawn to the concept of the consummate working mother- who happens to be a guidance counselor (imagine that!) and an administrator.  We missed the show entirely while it was running, but all seasons can be found on Netflix and streamed.

I stumbled on this article online the other day, which I stole from here.  Hope you enjoy another mom's take.  She may be a fictional hero, but I enjoyed cheering for a character who truly seemed to relate to me on several levels. 


10 REASONS TAMI TAYLOR IS THE MOM I WANT TO BE

Nothing made me happier this week than hearing the news that Connie Britton -- who plays Tami Taylor on "Friday Night Lights" -- was nominated for an Emmy.

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Tami Taylor is a woman who not only makes me laugh, cry and love, but, since I'm a mom-to-be myself, she makes me feel that I want to be exactly like her when I become a mom.
For those of you who are not familiar with "Friday Night Lights," I urge you: Go to Netflix immediately and order the back seasons. Yes, I am a superfan, but truly, it is the best show on television. It's about so much more than football -- it's about family.
Tami is the coach's wife and principal of Dillon High. She is a beautifully complex character. I watch season after season and constantly think to myself, "Ooh! I've got to remember that when I'm a mom." Now that I'm only three months away from having my own daughter, I hope I can channel Tami Taylor as my child goes from the crib to college.
As a shout-out (and congratulations) to Connie Britton, I hereby present the ten reasons why Tami Taylor is the mom I want to be:

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1) Tami is a strong, successful career woman -- a role model to her daughter!
Sure, she deals with a ton of crap as principal of Dillon High. But she has managed to support her husband (she picked up and moved where his job landed him) while still lifting her own career to new heights. (She went from guidance counselor to school principal.)
2) Other kids turn to Tami for help.
I love that Tami is someone the teens in the series feel safe going to for help. Everyone from Tyra Collette (Adrianne Palicki), the town bad girl who turned her life around to go to college, to Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford), whose father died in the war, has received some loving from Mrs. Taylor!
3) Tami is beyond in love with her husband -- and isn't afraid to show that to her kids.
I know kids do not want to see their parents make out, but I do want to be able to kiss and hold hands with my husband without worrying what my kids think. I love that Tami is physically affectionate.

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4) She is an all-encompassing listener.
There's never CrackBerry in sight when you've got time with the coach's wife.
5) She miraculously says the right thing at the right time.
Tami is the queen of the perfect inspiring line. This season, when Tami took her daughter, Julie, for a college visit, she had the perfect comeback when Julie told her that going to Boston College was her mother's dream, not hers. Tami explained that she has her family, and therefore her dream has come true; now she wants to do everything she can to help her daughter's dream come true. (Sniff, sniff.)
6) She is 100 percent honest with her daughter.
When Julie disappoints Tami, Tami always tells her. She is honest with her emotions and always explains why Julie has let her down.
7) She's one tough lady!
Those jerk-face football guys in the Dillon High Booster Club are always giving Tami sh*t, but she's not afraid. She always brings it -- with an extra jab, too!

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8) She loves her wine!
I'm not saying that as a mother I want to be a boozer, but Tami knows how to take care of herself, and I think that's important. You have to enjoy the simple pleasures, right? A date night with the television and a glass of Chardonnay is sometimes the best therapy.
9) She's her family's biggest cheerleader!
Miss a Friday night game or a school event? No way! I hope I can motivate my family like Tami does hers. Her slogan in (and out) of the locker room is, "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!"
10) She is one hot mama! 
OK, I know this is superficial, but I hope I age half as well as Mrs. Taylor! Can we puhleese find out what kind of skin care this woman is using?!

How I see it-

Catching Up...

Almost three years ago,  I came to the conclusion that God wanted more for me and from me in this life.  An overwhelming notion for the first time mother of a newborn daughter.  Just two months after the birth of my sweet Claire, my dear stepmother died.  This was devastating on two levels.  First of all, my stepmother had been a Godsend in growing up with my extremely challenging father.  Second of all, her death reopened the wound of my father's death, which had occurred just four years earlier.  Flooded with new mom hormones, mourning, and feeling a crossroads in my own life, I made the decision to talk it out in counseling. 

I sat down, in front of Jan, feeling about as vulnerable and lost as imaginable.  It felt like everything flooded out of me in tears and hopelessness.  While grief had driven me into counseling, it became readily apparent that my own feelings about my station in life were the real reason I was there.  I felt stuck.  I felt like I wanted more from life, but feel powerless to get it and unsure of what 'it' really was in the first place.  There is something about having a first baby that truly changes your perception of everything.  For me, it was deep consideration of who I want to be as a role model and what do I want for my family and child.  What I did not want, was to be a mother who miserable because she did nothing to better her situation.  At this point in time, my husband was on the super fast track to a Master's degree (details of that spared for the sake of my husband's sanity and mine) and I was resentful because I could not do that now.  Jan looked up at me with wide eyes and said, "Why can't you, Lindsay? Why can't you go back to school?"  Pause, hesitate, answer: "because I have a baby," I answered-- as if that was finite- open and close.  Not-so-much.  "Lindsay, lots of great moms have babies and go to school.  Great mother and great achiever are not mutually exclusive." Oh! Really?  So I can do this? 

I posed it to Michael, at which point he praised the idea and I was enrolled at the University of Central Oklahoma before the conversation was complete.  It is only fitting that I should enter the Guidance and Counseling program. 

At this point, the world began to open up to numerous opportunities.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

My perspective changed.  I realized, if I wanted to prosper, I had to take action.  I also realized that there is a plan for me and that it is true- when God closes a door- he does open a window.

My mantra became and remains: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

While I feel I rambled on here, it is truly a condensed version of this course of events.  The blog is titled "Such Great Heights" because the the song by the Postal Service.  For me, it implies the freedom to go in the direction of my dreams and create a beautiful life for my family. 

Where were we?

Where were we?  I am the author of a blog about mom life- Adventures In Mommyhood.  It is a chronicle of Claire.  I love that I have it as a keepsake- a supplement to her baby book.  I became a little distracted along the line and created a huge gap in publishing- for several reasons which will become more apparent in subsequent posts.