Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Big - Fat - Awful Truth

I'm overweight.  Ugh.  I hate saying it.  I was quite overweight when I became pregnant with Claire in 2008.  I think I was in that young married carefree cloud of delusion.  I kept buying whatever size came next without really thinking about how much I was gaining.  Reality hit at one of my first doctor's appointments for Claire.  You see, for the previous couple of years, I'd not weighed myself or really known how much I weighed.  If a physician weighed me, I literally turned backward and made them swear they wouldn't tell me.  Looking back now, I can see how ridiculous and harmful this was.
This picture was taken July 2008.  I was about 5 minutes pregnant and didn't know it yet.  This is me at my heaviest and I am totally embarrassed by it.  I am so short that I was just round- all over. 
I just put this in here because I felt totally cute as a pregnant lady : )

Finally, in my first (shouldn't really have any pregnancy pounds on) trimester, my physician let my true weight slip out.  I was floored!  How had I lived in this bubble of denial so long?!  He went on suggest that I may keep my calories fixed and not gain any weight with this pregnancy.  Whoa.  (side note: I loved my OB, so if that sounds harsh, don't worry, he was actually encouraging and a great doctor)  I followed suit by now adding calories above what I normally ate.  (pregnant women are usually supposed to add 300ish calories to their diets sometime in the second trimester- don't quote me, but that's about right.)  Sometimes this was easy- I mean I did have the quesy-sicky-ickys like most pregnant women.  When all was said and done, I gained about 17 pounds with Claire- that came off immediately after she was born.  Perhaps Claire was trying to help me, too.  You see, Claire was a little on the high maintenance side- (I know, contain your shock!).  I nursed 100% with a high maintenance kiddo.  She wanted to be held 100% of the time.  That included sleeping at night.  I burned a good 600 calories doing that and could only eat foods that could be easily prepared with one hand. (read- Hot Pockets).  In this time, my body pulled in and thinned out.  Within a couple of months, I was 35 pounds lighter that my first trimester, shocked and abhorred weight!
Looking better about 5 weeks after birth!

Here's another where you can see in my face that I am lighter and that I don't have a big round tummy anymore.  This is 3 months after birth.

In the time since then, I fluctuated some.  I was terrible at sticking with something when it started working, so I was a little high and low.
This is a point when I feel really good about how I look.  My arms look thinner and my legs look toner.  I'd be happy looking like this again.  Let's be honest, the cute one year old in a bikini is the best part of this picture!
I'll admit, my focus was mostly size and how I fit into clothes.  Shifting forward, I am heavier again.  I went though some stressful (though ultimately rewarding) changes.  Exercise eluded me and junk food embraced me.  Before long, my clothes weren't fitting and I was diagnosed with high cholesterol and placed on a statin drug.  This shifts the focus from not liking being the 'fat friend' in all my pictures with my girls (I am- all my dang friends are disgusting thinner and like 6 inches taller than me- le sigh) (yes, I sighed in French).

For over a year, I have stayed on the statin and I am done.  My cholesterol is much lower and in the next month or two, I'd love to be done with them.  I have no business living on a drug that zaps my much needed energy.  Now, I require exercise and better eating on a regular basis to ensure that I can get off and stay off the statin.   Yes, this means doing workouts from youtube in my living room, looking like a fool.  This also means changing my foods and snacks on a regular basis.  Yes, I will indulge in some delicious treats from time to time, but daily- regular routine, I will be diligent. 

Meanwhile: here is the recipe for my fave salad-

Delicious McAlister's knock off salad

Baby spinach lettuce
crumbled feta cheese
dried cranberries
roasted, lightly salted almonds
Ken's Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette dressing
** The McAlister's version has chicken slices in it, but I don't usually add it

I can't get enough!  Also, here are some links to some workout and toning pages on youtube.  Why are they always working out on beaches and smiling so big?  We all know the road to where they are was not that sunny.  If I get fit enough, I am producing a video in an old t-shirt and smudged make-up while telling people, "this may suck at first, but you'll get used to it" or "this could hurt, but it works".  The masses would love that, right?!

Aerobic focus:

toning focus:

Here goes nothing.  Feel free to share what you're doing and pray that I am statin free soon!

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