Friday, February 1, 2013

The Best Laid Plans

Where have I been?  See, I started this blog to live out some sort of journalistic fantasy.  I love to write.  Maybe I write inspiring notions, maybe I write humorous tidbits, or maybe what I write is simply my audience humoring me.  I started this blog to document a journey- long before I was anywhere near any goal I wished to accomplish.  I started this blog knowing I was stuck, in need of some changes, and, frankly, pretty depressed. 

I decided to return to school and complete a graduate degree in 2009 and began my program when Claire was only 9 months old.  I finished in 2011 and began turning the gears on my career goals.  In 2012, I surprised myself, by making a move to elementary and I began my school counselor adventure here:

This is Liberty Elementary.  I so seriously believed that I was meant to be secondary.  Whenever I interviewed,  I felt God was telling me to look another direction.  It is a pleasure to broaden my horizons by trying something new.  I find that I am enjoying the kids just the same.  When it comes down to it- be it first grade or twelfth, kids just want to be heard, accepted, nurtured and loved. 

In months leading up to this point, some tremendously difficult situations arose- in terms of selling our old house, living arrangements, family separation, imposing on loved ones, and the pain and stress related to feeling like everything was up in the air.  I was embarrassed.  If I weren't such a fool, this would have gone so much better.  Well, that's how I felt at the time.  Some of what life dished out was unexpected (go figure).  'The best laid plans,' according to Robert Burns, 'often go awry'.  I was living a complete and total leap of faith.  I began to really invest in faith at that point- and perhaps, parts of this journey were meant to draw me closer.  In the end, we sold our old house for less than we'd wanted (which is pretty typical, I think), bought the new owners a new furnace- as a fun surprise- about a week before closing, then bridged a homeless gap of one week- moving into our new home eleven days before Christmas. 
... and we made this house our new home.  It is a cozy post-war gem nestled in the heart of midtown Tulsa.  Finally, I am here.  Tulsa is my hometown and truly the place where I feel like me.  I've worried that people may think I am crazy- going through all this.  However, I know the clearest path to failure is the one aligned with trying to please everyone else. 

This story is not all about me.  If it appears I just made a decision and leaped, that would be an oversimplified assumption.  My husband has supported me, even when this was all wearing on him as much as it was me.  I can't tell his story though.  That would be unfair and impossible.  I can only tell mine. 

I thought a lot about how to restart my blog.  I've wanted to write again for quite sometime, but, admittedly, much of what I went through to get here was painful for me and for my family.  I am so grateful to be coming through it, stronger and better.  The adventure is not complete, so I will continue to be prayerful for the coming future and excited about new opportunities.  For instance, Miss Priss (shown here):

 will be enrolled in pre-k this month!  She loves school and learning and I am enjoying watching her thrive in every aspect. 

So, on this note, I officially welcome myself back to blogging.  More to come- this journey is still in motion.

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